Thursday, July 19, 2012

What Not To Eat Right Before You See The Dark Knight Rises This Weekend

Ok, this is just a blatant attempt on my part to use Batman on my food blog because I'm super excited to go see the new movie. But seriously people, this movie is really long and you need to prepare for the 3 hours of your life that will never be able to get back. So my advice to you? Do not go in with a full bladder! Think of it as an operation, you need to fast the 24 hours beforehand so there won't be any complications. Thankfully you have me...I have put together a list of 'What Not To Eat' before you go see the movie this weekend, and it is as follows:

Delicious and refreshing. Natures gift to humans. Don't even think about drinking any water before you go to the theater! I don't care if you feel faint since it's 100 degrees outside. No matter what your body is telling you, no matter if your legs feel like jelly, under no circumstance are you to indulge in an ice cold glass (or bottle) of water anytime before or during the movie, and that's final!

Sorry, no. No gigantic, super size, gigantic plastic cups of soda. You think water will do you in? Try 72 ounces of delicious Coca-Cola. I don't care if they are offering special Batman collectors cups at the concession stand, you'll just have to live without it. Besides the fact that it's a liquid, it's also filled with lots and lots of gassy bubbles and you know what that leads to...

Doesn't that look yummy? Well get your stinking paws off that Chili Dog you damn dirty human! Two no-no's...Hot Dogs and Chili, a gastronomic explosion just waiting to happen. 'Nuff said.

I know it's the movies and it's probably the only time you ever have popcorn, but I don't care. Eating this bucket of popcorn will lead to a desire to drink a beverage, and that's my do not eat numbers one and two! Buttery, salty and delicious...and evil, perfectly matched with that ridiculous plastic commemorative cup offered at the concession stand. Don't do it! You will be tempted to eat the entire bucket and drink the whole cup by the time the first trailer appears on screen. What do you think is going to happen? You're gonna try and hold it for as long as you can, then when your kidneys start to convulse you'll barely be able to walk to the bathroom, probably tripping before you get there, smashing your face on the floor and you'll be unconscious. Now do you want that to happen?

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