Thursday, January 31, 2013

Lunch At Zoie's on Beach Street Was...Well...Not Good

I should have known better.

I mean 'wichcraft was right around the corner and I knew that would have been better, but Zoie's Cafe and Delicatessen enchanted me with their amazing chalkboard sign out front. I saw it from down the block on Greenwich St. standing there begging to be read.

A hole in the wall. A greasy spoon. Whatever you want to call it but that's what it is. I live by the belief that appearances don't always matter especially when it comes to food, or is that people? I don't know, I confuse myself. The worst thing is being hungry in a part of town that you are not yet familiar with, because deep down inside of you is a machine that is telling you that you need to's called the stomach. It is quite a powerful device.

Part of me wants to find the next great meal, something that I can rave about over and over, recommending it to everyone I know...but that may be unrealistic. You see there is far more bad out there than good. Wait, I should say that there is far more mediocre than good. Also I'm not saying that my lunch was mediore, it was just plain bad. Harsh words, I know, but I'm more mad at myself for going there than anything.

A telltale sign should have been all the various added menu items, or specials that were scotch taped to the bottom of the menu that hung overhead. It was about as nice looking as the lady behind the counter whose grey roots had gave her an almost skunk-like appearance.

 This was as close a picture I could get because I must say that she scared me a little. As I stood there looking up at the menu trying to figure out what to order she loudly told me that I should just look at the menu she was holding instead, which was beautifully laminated for ease of use. There was far too much to choose from, yet another sign that should have told me these people really don't do any one thing well and that I should tell her that I would be right back. But somehow I still had hope. Hope that I had found the next great whatever they make and could pat myself on the back for the greatness of my abilities. Maybe my abilities ain't so great.

I spotted a warm sandwich that sounded appealing, Chicken Cutlet with Mozzarella, topped with sliced Cherry Peppers, and thought why not. What really happened was that I couldn't find the sandwich I had seen on the chalkboard outside, the Cuban, and it felt like the woman's eyes were about to burn a hole in my chest, so I panicked and eeny meeny miny moe picked my lunch.

Let's just say it wasn't at all what I had imagined, it was worse. It was like a couple of pieces of cardboard with some melted chewy stuff, topped with some sour red and green things between two pieces of very dry roll. Does that explain it? No? Well look for yourself:

The Chicken, if you could call it that, was just a re-fried piece that had been in the refrigerator too long, it's a miracle I didn't get sick. The Mozzarella was some garbage processed cheese that was of very poor quality, and the Peppers! Well they were just old tasting.

And the worst part of this whole debacle, the part that I am most ashamed about is that I spent $9 bucks on the damn thing when it wasn't even worth $2! It's making me mad right now!

Life goes on in the end (unless you die from food poisoning) and I have to move on. The old saying is go with your gut feeling, but in this case it did not serve me well. Being hungry in a strange land (Tribeca) can be dangerous my friends, so be careful and be warned!

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